Body Positivity 101
by Natasha Telkar
“My thighs are so huge.” “Why don’t I have more defined biceps?” “Look at that bulging stomach.” “I wish I had 6 pack abs.” “You will never be enough.”
What started as an attempt to be healthier and stronger as a child turned into an unhealthy obsession of trying to control and “fix” every aspect of myself as a teenager. I became well versed in the language of extreme self-criticism when it came to the way I looked. My inner self critic called all the shots for as long as I can remember. This is what led to me being bullied into long periods of starvation, obsessively justifying every meal I had, and being overcome with guilt when I “ate too much”. This was regardless of the fact that I ate nothing but healthy food, had a ridiculously small appetite, and worked out like my life depended on it. I was never enough, whatever size or weight, just never enough to fulfil my own unrealistic expectations. It came to a point where I wanted to sit out on an international family trip, simply because I was afraid I would gain weight by eating “unhealthy outside food” and not being able to exercise for 10 days. Yeah, it was bad. But it got better, which is evident since I am writing this blog post.
My self-love journey started by chance when one of my trusted confidants asked me: “Why are you so afraid of gaining weight though?” and I couldn’t think of a single answer. I never bothered to ask myself this question during the years when I let my inner critic run rampant and cause havoc on my mental and physical health. So, I started questioning myself, tried to find out the root cause of why I constantly stressed out about people judging me based on my appearance. I realised how I was actually hiding behind salads and dumbbells just so I could escape what was really bothering me. Because trust me, it’s not about your love-handles or how “big” your nose is, there is something psychological deep down that is making you irrationally hate yourself.
So, the first step to silence your inner critic is to question yourself: “Why do you have to lose weight? Will it make you more confident? Will you be happier when you achieve your dream body? Do you think people will like you more if you “fix all your imperfections”?
After finding the root cause, whatever it maybe — media, culture, parental pressure, extreme drive for perfectionism, anxiety etc. — actively try to eliminate your related negative habits. These toxic habits could be something as simple as checking your weight weekly or sucking in your stomach when you are taking a picture. These are obligations you feel like you have to follow. To let your body just be and be happy with your reflection, you have to swap out negative habits with positive ones such as replacing feeling guilty for having a bite of pizza with letting yourself enjoy 3 slices once in a while.
Another thing to follow is overtly and covertly appreciating your body and the way you look. I achieved this by sticking post-it notes on my bathroom mirror, reminding myself that my ‘weight doesn’t define my worth’ and ‘I especially look good when I give zero fucks about other’s opinions’. Over time these reminders stuck with me; I actually started to believe them and became grateful for the strong and beautiful person that I am.
Lastly, stop comparing yourself to others. Someone else’s beauty doesn’t dismiss or diminish yours. This should be your go-to reminder when you catch yourself scrolling through Instagram, comparing yourself to every other person in your feed.
Self-love doesn’t happen overnight; it takes a long time to right all the wrongs you blindly followed for years on end. It’s a tough road, but trust me, you are stronger. ☺
*DISCLAIMER: These guidelines helped me become more comfortable in my own skin and that does not mean that relying on just these will help you too. You may need additional techniques or in some cases therapy. This post is an attempt to remind people that they are enough and beautiful just the way they are.
Instagram accounts that preach body positivity and helped me in my self-love journey:
1. maryscupoftea: https://www.instagram.com/maryscupofteaa/
2. jessijeannn: https://www.instagram.com/jessijeannn/
3. mikzazon: https://www.instagram.com/mikzazon/
4. feelgooddietitian: https://www.instagram.com/feelgooddietitian/
5. binge.nutritionist: https://www.instagram.com/binge.nutritionist/
6. loandlemons: https://www.instagram.com/loandlemons/
